I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
