i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
