i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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