People in love make me want to vomit
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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