I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
