I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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