this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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