doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
