she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
