I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She's the barista slut.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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