literally had 100 drinks last night.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
