It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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