IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
