made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
MIDGETS
????
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
