This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
