my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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