Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
