Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
