I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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