wake up i wanna do it froggy style
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
