I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
