dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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