Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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