wrigley field is MILF paradise
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
