I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
