The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
where does the pee come out of this thing
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
