I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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