Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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