Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
