D3 body, D1 cock
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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