Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
