Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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