Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
