Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
