So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize