we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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