Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
