god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
