Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
The power of my boobs compel you
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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