no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
