i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
my nose is crying tears of wow.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
