don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
