And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
