The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
