none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Randomize