so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
There r osticjed everywhere
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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