youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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