He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize