Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
