Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Let's paint friendship bongs
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
