So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
