Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
