Welp...herpes.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
