broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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