bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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