If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
