i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
