Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize