Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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