After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Randomize