don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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