Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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