DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
