ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
