Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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