I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
