DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
