I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
