mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
