What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize