smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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