Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize