Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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