I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
