He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize