I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
