My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
