one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
